Struggles with Quantifying Daily Experiences
You know I’m screwed when I’m no longer able to quantify things like rating my day out of ten. I just don’t know anymore how to rate it. It’s very unfortunate to say, and I don’t understand what’s going on. In some way, I feel like I’m just going through life, not really living. That’s how it has been recently, especially in the past month where I’m just reaching out to companies, founders, and accelerators trying to sell myself, and ending up not getting anything in return. Absolutely nothing.
Lack of Momentum and Intentional Living
Usually, either my Git commits are going crazy or my YouTube uploads. In the past month, it’s neither, and it’s just kind of annoying to think about. I really want to bring back that momentum that I had back in Ramadan. I’d say I was doing quite a lot of work consistently. The solution to that is being mindful and intentional and not letting things just happen to you. Have I been doing that? Have I been doing a good job at that? I don’t think so. It’s like I’m aware that I should be, but it’s weird. I just can’t get myself to do that, to be mindful and intentional in what I’m doing. The only thing that I’m being intentional in is the gym. But work? Not at all.
Reflecting and Creating Art
What’s the solution to that? Putting it on paper, which I started doing recently. Something that I want to do in the coming weeks, especially, is just reflecting and writing my reflections down and in some way creating art out of my reflections. Because I went through a lot in the past few months, and I really want to put them into words before I forget them. It’s a lot of valuable things that I’ve learned from the past month-ish: whether it’s friendships, relationships, just doing work, stress, or getting a job. Consistency. So many things.
The Challenge of Discipline and Distractions
To be able to do things like that, I need to be able to be disciplined enough to put time for that, to give time for that, to dedicate time for that. It makes me wonder, is that how it feels to be a parent? To have kids with you? There are always distractions, which means it’s hard for you to actually be mindful about your time because you’re always being distracted by the kids around you. That’s kind of how it feels for me right now, being surrounded by these friends—quote-unquote friends—who, in some way, always distract me.