Childhood Energy and Reflection
Discovering Energetic Roots
Recently, I came across an old video of myself from Kindergarten 1. In it, I was full of energy and positivity—almost like the “main character” on stage. It got me thinking about my current life and how I often channel that same vibrant energy to capture people’s attention. This has always been part of me, even back then. Seeing my younger self was like recognizing an old friend; I knew it was me from the way I acted, not just my appearance.
Reflecting on Changes Over Time
However, something seemed to have changed as I grew up. I feel like that youthful energy was somehow dampened or closed off, though I’m not sure how or why. It’s as if there was a point where I no longer embodied that energetic child. This is something profound that I think many people can relate to—the idea of losing a certain vibrancy as we grow older.
A Plan for Exploration
I’m planning to investigate this further. I want to understand when my social anxiety began and pinpoint that inflection point where my energy changed. This exploration could become a video, reel, short, or even an article. It’s an experience that could resonate with others who feel like they’ve left a part of their childhood selves behind.
It’s somewhere between kindergarten 2 and grade 3 or 4
Notable events
- kg 2 I randomly decide to fill my mouth with water, then I spit it at a girl for literally no reason
- I get in trouble for doing that
- as if the world was telling me: ” if you play around and do what you feel like doing, you’ll be in trouble”
- also in kg 2, there were a group of people playing with cars and toys. I wanted to be part of that but I wasn’t allowed in. I still remember the feeling of being left out
- The problem with smart people
- so as a result, I assumed the worst things about myself and about why they didn’t want me to be with them and I didn’t talk to anyone about it or let it out in however way (like cry to Mama)
- Just thinking about this makes me really want to empathize and wish that I dealt with things differently as a kid
- Mom also told me that I used to do a lot of “not normal” things in class. Like scribble on the floor and walls. My mom remembers the time where my supervisor called her and told her that your son is “not normal”(in Arabic: manno tabi3e)
- so maybe I did do a lot of things back in kg 2 and I got punished several times for it it
- it sounded like I used to give off ADHD symptoms?
- and that reminds me of how I did not like to go out anywhere. Whether it’s with family or with friends (rarely happened).
- I might have built this association in the house I’m free but outside I’m not and it started with kg 2
- man… It feels weird to reflect back on my early childhood.
- around 4th grade I was playing soccer and I remember I was having fun and just being myself. Unfortunately that triggered someone and made them push me hard on the floor with my face falling straight into the sand. So my mouth was filled with sand and he just left after pushing me
- another instance of me trying to be myself and getting punished for it without any clear reason
- getting bullied for being chubby and not being the best soccer player throughout elementary and middle school