Rami's Universe

What leads a man to fap

26 min read

Title ideas

  • Your Porn Addiction Ends With This Video

Catchy intro

    1. Aren’t you extremely horny? I’m like no
    1. You are as sick as your secrets
    1. You crave more connection from the world because you always tell yourself that you lack it
    1. I will do it as much as I can then I’ll finally quit… That does not work or this does nothing but harm you and slow your progress down
    1. I’m not gonna do this for the rest of my life, that is a lot… I can’t do this
    1. slap
    1. you have now become a slave to freedom
    1. Post-nut clarity, leverage that, and ask yourself
    1. What were the excuses?
    1. It’s not about how many days you can hold your seed, it’s about 
    1. Don’t make it a big deal and move on
    • It’s not the failures that define you, but how you respond to these failures
    1. I know it might feel disgusting and weird
    1. This is actually how a lot of people overcome this addiction
    1. The brain is neuroplastic
    1. Keep that vision in mind and let it protect you from these urges
    1. make it your identity
    1. You get to see woman for who they really are
    1. This is when you know you’ve overcome this addiction

Intro

  • A man who lacks purpose will distract himself with pleasure.

  • This video has been four years in the making. Yes, you heard me right—four years of struggle, lessons, and ultimately, triumph. And today, I’m here to share what I wish someone had told me when I was 16.

  • when I stumbled across something I thought was harmless, but little did I know, it would pull me into a cycle that felt impossible to break. I spent over a year trapped, trying and failing, trying and failing again.

  • Until October 15th, 2021, I finally cracked the code. For the first time, I managed to stay clean—for an entire year. I thought I was free. But when 2023 rolled around, loneliness crept in. And before I knew it, I was back to my old habits.

  • Then came 2024—a year that truly tested my limits. Despite facing so much resistance that year, I managed to stay clean. It wasn’t easy, but it taught me some of the most important lessons that I will be sharing with you now.

  • Throughout this journey, I reflected—a lot. I wrote down my thoughts, struggles, and every realization I had on my note-taking app called Obsidian (not sponsored) but i do have a few videos on them if you’re interested. Anyways, I have written over 10,000 words on the topic of Addiction, Pornography, and NoFap over the past 4 years, and today I will be sharing all this information with you guys so you can finally break the cycle and live freely just like how I managed to last year. Side note, I think a big part of how I managed to overcome this addiction was thanks to my ability to extract knowledge and wisdom from my failures, which were quite a lot of in the past 4 years. But I tried to the best of my abilities to learn from them. This is the idea of having a growth mindset, which is essential to transforming yourself into the person you want to be.

    • On my journey, I tried several ways to quit. Some were research-backed, others were from my own personal experiences and realizations. I failed A LOT of times but it was through the lessons I learned from these failures I was able to finally overcome it. In this video, I’ll be sharing everything that I’ve learned from the past 4 years to help you in your journey to overcome this addiction/bad habit or whatever you wanna call it.

  • Before we start, Let me know in the comments Now or at the end of the video What is the single biggest Reason you come back to PMO. and I will either provide you with a resource that can help you or I’ll provide some of my wisdom, But whatever it is, I will respond to your comments. I promise!

  • Understand what you really want from yourself. Do you really wanna quit pornography?

    • You do not wanna be in the middle, the situation where you want to quit but you also don’t REALLY WANT to quit is a horrible place to be in. Because your motivation to sober up is not strong enough to stop you from fapping but every time you do it, you feel a sense of regret, shame, and disappointment in yourself.
    • And that is extremely unhealthy and will not help you overcome the addiction. It will make things worse and you will be stuck in another rabbit hole on top of your pornography addiction.
      • if that’s you, you really need to spend some time to reflect on your priorities in life and what you really want from life.
      • and also figure out WHY do you want to fap. When feel the urge to turn to pornography, ask yourself, what emotions am I feeling right now?
        • These emotions are what you are struggling to deal with.
          • We use pornography as a way to silence these emotions and escape from reality. For example, to block out feelings of loneliness, stress, or boredom. Often, it becomes a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with deeper issues or emotional discomfort.
          • Many men may find themselves turning to masturbation as a form of escapism, using it to temporarily alleviate negative emotions or fill a void in their lives.

  • this video will show you what is happening deep down that’s causing you to continuously relapse. And how you can construct a strategy to fight against that addiction.

Why we get the urge to fap

  • You don’t just suddenly become horny, there are several steps that the brain has to take before becoming horny.
    • this video will help you become aware of them and provide you ways to overcome them
    • it happens as a result of getting a trigger and you openly allowing it consume you.
  • One factor could come from the need to matter
    • everyone has their own way of feeling like they matter in this world
    • But in essence, you feel like you matter when you feel like you belong to this world and it’s people
    • but that is a whole another topic I don’t have enough time to cover in here but I did make a very beautiful YouTube video about it if you’re interested https://youtu.be/pIV7OeY_eg4
  • it all starts with a trigger. Some sensory input from the world arrives to your brain.
    • the default action is to follow the urges that come because we’re biologically/evolutionarily wired to do so. But this is where our EQ and conscientiousness comes into play and tells us why we should go against our biological instincts.
    • The thing is that sometimes our conscientious levels are drastically reduced.
      • When this happens, we become vulnerable and weak. Our willpower is drastically reduced and you no longer are able to fight the urge
        • There are several reasons your mind could feel vulnerable and weak and it’s different for everyone. My reasons were:
          • I allowed myself to get lazy for an extended period of time where I’m just emitting mindless cheap dopamine. This usually happens when I binge watch useless youtube videos or scroll through instagram for hours.
            • When you do that, your mind becomes susceptible to dopamine cravings and because you are doomscrolling, you reach this state of cognitive absorption, where you lose track of time and impair self-awareness which in turn leads to a loss of control over your own behaviour.
            • now do scrawling is just one example of how you can reach a point where you have a low sense of control of your decisions
              • one big trigger that caused me to feel that loss of control was my bad habit of playing with my face or hair when I’m on my laptop. As a result, I start using my laptop with one hand because the other one is oily💩 This is when that sense of no control over your actions start coming up, since you just allowed yourself to dirty one of your hands as you are trying to do some work on your laptop. I’m no longer mindful when I’m in this state and when you’re not mindful, your mind becomes vulnerable to these strong intrusive thoughts which start to creep in, just like in doomscrolling
              • so now I ask you to take some time to think of what possible activities or bad habits you have that cause your sense of self-control to diminish
              • In the next part of the video, I will show you some actionable steps that you can take based on your response to this question so keep watching for that.
  • Triggers can also arise when we let ourselves slip into a state of purposelessness and neglect, which is slightly similar to loss of self-awareness, but this operates at a more existential level. We’ll talk more about the solutions to that problem later in the video
    • I’ve personally experienced periods of feeling lost, dirty, and stuck in a rut. When you’re in that state, your thoughts aren’t clear, and you’re more likely to give in to urges
  • Now after the trigger shows up at your door, you have the choice to neglect it or follow it. I sometimes noticed that the reason I follow a certain thought is because of freedom. Let me explain. You might think freedom is good. Heck, many individuals argue that freedom is a key characteristic in establishing a high-quality life and I agree. I think it’s amazing to have the freedom to do whatever I desire without having to worry about money for example, but in this case, the fact that you’re giving yourself the freedom to indulge in any thought, including these intrusive ones, is unfortunately harming you. You start by allowing yourself to have that thought, and thanks to the Power of momentum (more on that later), you will get the urge to do it, and now that freedom has taken over you, you see no reason to not do it so you fall slave to your freedom and do it. You can find this idea symbolized in Attack on Titan where the character became a slave to freedom. I highly recommend that show. Watch it instead of watching pornography.
    • This is one irrational thought that I discovered in me. You have to find your one’s and debunk them so that you’re no longer influenced by them
    • I also realized that the effects of indulging in these thoughts or suggestive insta or TikTok videos and letting it stick in stretches on for days and even weeks if you continue letting these thoughts swim in your mind
    • This is why it’s important to have principles and values that govern your life, because when push comes to shove, these values that you have are going to get tested and they better be strong enough for them to help you win the fight
  • To be able to actually overcome your triggers and irrational thoughts, you need to be aware of them first so you can prepare accordingly, which is the next step.
    • So I now need you to take a minute and reflect on the times you lost to these urges and allowed it to consume your brain. Ask yourself:
      • How did you reach this point?
        • What were the series of bad decisions that you took that led you to the point of relapsing
      • What happened that day that caused the triggers to emerge?
        • What were you telling yourself as you were debating weather you wanted to do it or not.
        • Did you find an excuse for yourself to do it one more time? What was the excuse?
  • Once you identify the triggers, it’s time to talk about how not to fall prey to them.

How to not fall prey to the urge (how can you overcome these urges)

  • If you’re able to redirect these urges into something else immediately—before they overwhelm your brain, body, and impulses—it can be the most effective way to overcome this addiction
  • As soon as you think of these things, try associating them with negative consequences rather than positive thoughts like attractive women or arousal. Instead, focus on the negative effects of giving in to those urges.
    • It’s hard, but it’s doable. We’re all capable of change and you have to deeply believe that. That your brain is neuroplastic that can transform into whatever you want it to become. That with time and patience, you will notice change in your brain functions
    • Change is challenging, but it’s absolutely achievable. We all have the capacity to grow, and it’s essential to truly believe in that. Your brain is neuroplastic, capable of transforming into whatever you strive for. With time, patience, and dedication, you will see remarkable changes in how your mind functions, and when that happens, you will be so proud of yourself.
      • Keep that vision in mind and let it protect you from these urges that creep up on you.
      • I’m someone who believes in the power of visualization to help you achieve things you’ve never done before. For instance, as I was writing the rough script for this video, I was envisioning someone thanking me in a year from now because they finally managed to overcome their addiction thanks to this video. The truthiness of my vision depends on you guys… will you help me reach the masses by liking this video and also being that person who messages me telling me they were able to overcome their addiction.
        • On the note trying new things like visualizing, I’d say give it a try and it might just help you. You have to be willing to experiment with different techniques to be able to find something that helps you. Based on the fact that you’re watching this video right now, your current ways are not working. So you need to do something differently.
  • One way to increase your chances of redirecting this energy is to set rules for yourself. Think of it like programming—using “if statements” that you vow never to break. It’s like an oath to yourself.
    • For example:
      • If I start thinking of a naked woman, I slap my face.
      • If I feel the urge, I do 10 push-ups.
      • You can also have a rubber band on your hand and whenever you have any thoughts that could potentially trigger you, you just pull and snap.
      • In general, learn to associate porn with negative things happening in your life
        • Write down your goals and life aspirations. Who do you want to be.
        • Then always remind yourself that porn is stopping you from achieving that.
  • These actions can help ground you and make you more mindful. Often, urges take over because we’re not mindful or aware of our thoughts (kinda similar to doomscrolling). Discipline plays a big role, but it’s not just about discipline.
    • As James Clear says in his book Atomic Habits, “We don’t rise to the level of our goals; we fall to the level of our systems.” These if statements are essentially systems—habits and routines that guide you.
    • So when constructing these if statements, make sure they help you become more mindful and present.
      • This reminds me of one of my most interesting if statements:
        • if I feel the urge, stare at yourself in the mirror and envision yourself one day from now and how happy that person would be from you for resisting the urge and finding something else to redirect that urge to something more meaningful (another hobby)
  • Whenever you feel these urges, redirect them into meaningful actions, like exercise
  • always be on the lookout for good rules to set, you can be creative with it. \he point of these rules is to lower the chances of you either:
    • receiving a trigger
    • falling prey to the trigger
  • It’s extremely hard to reverse a downward spiral, especially when you feel mentally drained. Once momentum pushes you down, it’s even harder to push yourself back up. That’s why you need mental clarity and strength to catch yourself before it’s too late.
  • for eg, you can set a rule that you can’t use your phone in bed, and if you need to, you have to turn off the power from your WiFi. Or if you believe you have enough self control, turn off the internet from your phone
  • exercise these rules when you are sober and get used to them so that whenever you start thinking of relapsing, You would have already built a strong foundation for these rules to be followed. The more you resist breaking these rules, the easier it becomes in the future to continue following the rules you set for yourself.
  • if you consider yourself a master procrastinator, you can use your procrastination skills to delay doing it. Tell yourself in five minutes in 10 minutes or tomorrow I’ll do it tomorrow. What you notice is that a lot of the time you will no longer want to do it. So keep delaying it until you no longer need anymore and as we mentioned the longer you don’t do it the more you’re able to resist the urges.
  • make yourself have no time for fapping
    • always have something to do because pornography feeds off boredom
    • so plan your day ahead and structure it so that you have no free time. I always have something to do and I always have something to look forward to for tomorrow. Because if you don’t, the devil’s gonna creep up on you at night and tell you “you don’t have to sleep early, let’s just relax and enjoy some pornography instead” and you would have no reason to say no
    • for me at least it was hardest to resist during the night because during the day, I always had something to do, but then during the night, the only thing that I have to do was sleep, and if you’re willing to sacrifice a good sleep, then these urges can easily haunt and control you
      • so in some way, it’s good to prioritize having good sleep when you are trying to quit porn.
    • But most importantly, the best way to beat an addiction isn’t just about trying to fight it with sheer willpower or discipline. Instead, it’s about shifting your energy toward something that genuinely excites you or sparks your curiosity. Think about the last time you got so interested in something that you forgot about everything else—that’s the kind of engagement that can really help make quitting much easier.
  • make it your identity
    • this idea is borrowed from the book Atomic Habits, where the author James Clear encourages us to reframe the way, we see our habits that were trying to make and break. instead of saying, “I’m trying to quit porn”, say “I’m not someone who watches porn”
      • the reason this works is because you’re putting your identity on the line if you go against that statement
      • this statement becomes even stronger when you share it to the public. whether it’s one person or 100, it’s up to you. if you’d like to learn more about how you can overcome bad habits by revealing them to the world, check out the previous video I uploaded
    • also by you sharing to other people that you are quitting and that you think pornography is harmful for you, you feel obliged to stick to your commitment because you’ve made a public declaration.
    • And by doing it, you go against your word, against what you believe
    • This sense of accountability can be a powerful motivator to stay on track with your goals.
    • So I would suggest sharing about your thoughts on pornography. Being comfortable talking about it with other people
      • During my journey to overcoming this addiction, I came across a powerful saying: “You are as sick as your secrets”. This motivated me to start opening up about my struggles and that not only helped me, but also helped the other people who also had no one to talk to about it.
      • Having a friend or partner you can talk to is extremely helpful
      • Ik It’s probably going to be extremely hard but I would recommend you to open up about your struggles to someone you trust. It really helps
      • If you have no one to talk to (which I doubt), join communities who are going through the same struggles as you are.
    • Shame and keeping it to yourself will do nothing but fuel your addiction.
  • Also another good quote to remember is “What you resist, persists”
    • So don’t make quitting porn the central focus of your life. It’s like the classic experiment where people are told not to think of an elephant—inevitably, they do. Instead, focus on building a meaningful and fulfilling life where consuming porn becomes something that doesn’t even cross your mind
    • Dr K.
  • Place an object in the place where you usually do it that can remind you of why you wanna quit
    • It could be a sticky note, poster, picture of your mom watching you, ANYTHING that can make you snap back to reality and stop you from doing it
  • One thing that really helped me stop myself when push comes to shove was remembering that my last breath could happen at any time and I do NOT want it to be when I am watching the devils in disguise.
  • You’re taking your life for granted when you’re doing it. You’re telling yourself:
    • I don’t care that I’ve got a healthy brain that I can do amazing things with.
    • That I can use to fulfill my life’s potential. Speaking of life’s potential
  • find the why behind why you’re still doing it even when you don’t really want it
    • why did you do it the 2nd time. It might be hard to figure out the root cause but all you need is some reflection everyday. It could be because you feel like you don’t have control over your life and what happens so you watch these things to feel a sense of control on someone(because they’re doing what satisfies you)
    • no one listens to you, but when consuming pornography, you specifically like watching videos where the woman is very attentive

What you should do if you relapse

  • If statements need consequences to be effective. Just like in programming, these rules cannot be broken. If you break one, you need to face the consequences—whether small or significant
  • You can even use recursive rules—where repeated failures lead to stricter consequences. For instance:
    • If I fail to block triggering content, I will do 30 push-ups or donate to 10 dollars to charity I don’t directly support
    • If I continue watching triggering videos, I will delete TikTok for a week.
  • one thing that I also realized is that one thing that people do to feel a sense of closure is tell themselves: “Okay, I will do it as much as I can until the end of this week, then I’ll finally quit”
    • Trust me, this does nothing but harm you and slow down your progress
    • One extremely horrible habit I used to do after relapsing is going straight back to my old habits and fap as much as possible as if all the previous progress was lost. You think to yourself, “I mean, since I’m back here, let’s just make the best out of it.”. That’s not how it works and that’s a horrible mindset to have.
    • It’s not about how many days you can hold your seed in, it’s about you being able to cure your brain from the spell it has been cast. You doing it once after abstaining from it for a whole week should not be seen as a complete failure. It should be seen for what it really is. You won 7 days straight before losing once. And that’s not a problem, aim for a higher number next time. Beat your high score. The point is, just don’t fall back to your old habits after failing just once
    • it’s not failure that defines your identity but how you respond
    • Don’t let one mistake snowball into a binge. Catch yourself as soon as possible and take steps to reset.
    • You need to approach pornography with an abundance mindset, if we think it’s scarce and that it’s going to end soon since we’re tryna quit “forever”, you tell yourself that this will be the last time then I won’t watch porn anymore.
  • You have to reframe your goal from: “I NEED TO QUIT RIGHT NOW AND NEVER DO IT AGAIN” to “I don’t want to do it right now, I can thrive without it”
    • As Carl Jung said: “What you resist, persists”
    • This shift in mindset allows for a more realistic and sustainable approach to change, focusing on self-awareness and gradual improvement rather than setting an all-or-nothing ultimatum that is extremely hard to fulfill. Having that mindset that you NEED TO QUIT FOREVER NOW puts way too much pressure on the present moment and as a result it can lead to increased stress and anxiety, making it even more challenging to break the habit.
  • immediate punishment is CRUCIAL
    • whether it’s because you broke a rule you set for yourself or you actually full on started fapping, you need to punish yourself as soon as you did something that you didn’t want to do
    • I used to go on runs back when I used to dread them (I don’t anymore so I stopped using it as punishment)
    • After relapsing, ask yourself: What led to this? Was it boredom, stress, or a specific trigger? Use this insight to strengthen your if statements.
    • Also, this does not mean that you should feel ashamed because that just fuels the addiction even more
    • Relapsing doesn’t mean you’ve failed entirely. Punish yourself, but still be considerate and kind to yourself and treat it as a learning experience rather than a permanent setback
    • I think what works best is to immediately punish yourself, deal with the consequences, and then move on… let go

Why are you so horny

  • There are a lot of factors that influence how easy it is for you to overcome that addiction.
    • I feel like I have this urge to feel smthn. We are addicted to the feeling it gives you. This feeling that there is nothing to worry about. But we fail to realize that your problems won’t just go away when you consume pornography. They just get bottled up and continue to exist beneath the surface, waiting to be dealt with.
      • Dr K. clients
    • Some people are naturally just more horny, whether it’s from their childhood and their upbringing or their genetics, I don’t know
    • another thing is how self-motivated are you
      • I am personally extremely self-motivated and ambitious. I won’t do anything unless I’m deeply motivated to do it. This has served me so well in the past few years, but The problem rises when you lose that thing that is motivating you.
      • When that happens you feel lost and instead of you deciding what is important, You let your your environment and emotions carry your decisions. In other words, when you are faced with a trigger and your dopamine levels spike, which motivates you to do the action that spiked it, you have nothing that tells you that you should stop

Benefits

  • you will stop thinking from your balls and start thinking clearly
  • I don’t know about your motivations for quitting pornography, but at least for me, it was to bring back the brain that I used to have before I became addicted to it. That brain that was able to focus clearly on things and is able to not easily get distracted in work and in conversations. And see women for what they really are.
    • I know how it feels to be horny, though it’s counter-intuitive, the more you do it, the more your brain thinks of it and keeps you horny. Dopamine and hormones work in mysterious ways, but in simple terms, you never are satisfied with what you have, you always want more and more. You crave more connection from the world coz you always tell yrself you lack it every time you fap. And this constant craving results in you not enjoying life, because wherever you are, you feel a sense of lack within you. But when fapping is not part of your life, it shows that you are secure within yourself, you don’t need fapping or porn telling your subconscious that you matter because you already know that you matter within yourself.
  • You stop yrself from being grateful when fapping is on yr mind. Makes you forget everything you have and just focus on what you don’t have right now… Porn

Outro

  • I wanna build software that can help the youth

Resources

Old

  • At this point the thought is swimming in your mind, and unfortunately thoughts like these are hard to kick out of your mind.
    • That’s if you haven’t already went for it. Because as soon as you indulge in that thought, your dopamine system will emit a significant amount of dopamine, and if you didn’t know, dopamine is released when when we anticipate a reward, not when we receive the reward as a lot of people think. And dopamine is our source of motivation, so when dopamine spikes, our motivation spikes too. So in other words, when we indulge in these intrusive thoughts, we instantly get motivated to go do it without second thought. This is how dopamine can turn pure simple thoughts to actions. I will be sharing a video on how you can take advantage of dopamine but in the meantime you should check out Atomic Habits by James Clear.
    • Now let’s look at the situation where you were actually able to hold yourself in spite of your dopamine’s fight against that
    • A realization I also had is that The effects of accepting that thought and letting it stick in stretches on for days and even weeks if you continue letting these thoughts swim in your mind and the only way to stop it is by
    • anyways you should never let that thought continue to haunt you for that long. It’s like you are the leader of the soldiers of a country where another country is attacking you from
  • The moment you succumb to the feeling, in other words you subconsciously allow yourself to do it even for a split second, that’s when you lost. It becomes extremely hard to resist that urge when you’ve allowed yourself for a split second. That’s why it’s hard, it’s a battle against it every single second of yr day. And if you get caught up for just one tiny bit, you lost.
    • but, an hour after, I no longer have this “withdrawal” urge to watch

Graph View